When Did Rape Become a Punchline?
Posted by: J on: October 2, 2009
Yesterday, at my college, we held our annual Take Back the Night Speak-out & Rally. For those of you who aren’t familiar yet, Take Back the Night is “an internationally held march and rally intended as a protest and direct action against rape and other forms of violence against women, originated by the feminist movement.” People gather together in a room on campus and one by one survivors walk to the front and share their stories – once everyone has shared (we go until two minutes passes after the last speaker) we take to the streets (or in this case, the campus) to let out all of the anger and sadness and hope that the speakout causes us to feel in the form of chants.
I left that speak out feeling empowered; that is, until I logged onto facebook and saw that someone on my friends list had made a tasteless joke (“Take Back the Night? Sounds more like Rape Me Tonight!”) and, even worse, other people on my friends list were actually pressing the like button (the new online equivalent of laughing along with the joke.) Needless to say, I was pissed. How could this person make a joke about an event that means so much to so many people? What if one of the survivors who spoke that night saw this too? Would they feel as deflated as I felt right now? How could people be so callous as to laugh at a rape joke about rape survivors?!
And then I realized: this outrage that I’m feeling right now is outrage that I should be feeling more often – I should be feeling it every time hear someone make rape into a punchline. I don’t know why or when this started but recently I feel like I’ve been hearing a lot more jokes about rape as well as hearing the word rape thrown around in a causal manner (ie. One friend, jokingly, saying to the other “I’m totally gonna rape you later tonight” or “I raped that exam today”) and I haven’t known what to do about it.
Yes, I’ve felt upset every time I hear rape being trivialized in this way but, until last night, that feeling manifested itself in discomfort rather than full on anger. I would sometimes try to say something to my friends making the comment but I was never quite confident enough to own what I was saying and so, it always ended up with people apologizing and then promising not to make those comments in front of me anymore. That’s not enough.
This really hit home with me last night as a friend who I called out for approving of the disgusting status apologized and told me that she had liked the status only because she didn’t know what TBTN was. While I appreciated the apology, at the same time I was still pretty upset because, at the end of the day, my friend laughed at a rape joke. The fact that the joke directly mocked an anti sexual assault event was a big part of its offense, yes, but even without an understanding of that part – its still a rape joke.
These types of comments are harmful; not just because a rape survivor might hear them and feel victimized (and with statistics like 1 in 4 the chances that you’re speaking to/near a rape survivor are pretty damn high) but because they add to a culture that doesn’t see rape as something that big anymore. Aside from hurting individuals, every rape joke told is just another drop into the bucket that allows our society to stop taking rape, and its victims, seriously. This is a problem.
The kind of culture we’ve created with these jokes is the kind of culture that can look at a self-admitted child rapist, Roman Polinski, and say something like:
“It’s bad a person was raped. But that was so many years ago. The guy has been through so much in his life. It’s crazy to arrest him now. Let it go. The government could spend its money on other things.” (Feminist Majority Leader, Peg Yorkin)
No, just, no. This man is a rapist. He drugged and raped thirteen year old child, fled the country, and got away without serving jail time (he did spent 46 days in psychiatric treatment, but that was it.) What I want to know is this: how did we, as a community, get to the point where so many of us can look at the rape, the absolute betrayal, of a thirteen year old girl and not want to see her rapist in jail? Did this happen at the same time we started to find rape funny?
The only way to take back both the night AND the day from those who commit and trivialize sexual assault is to stop making rape joke and stop laughing at them.
I, for one, am not laughing anymore – not even to be polite – and I hope you’ll join me.
Stay Away from my Body, Tyra Banks!
Posted by: J on: September 20, 2009
[Crossposted to Amplify]
Earlier this week I caught a episode of the Tyra Show that honestly, just horrified me. The episode, called Does Size Matter: Women’s Edition, confronted this “important” question in regards to women’s butts and boobs under the guise of building positive body image. In the first half of the show Tyra had five women line up in a series of stalls that were blocked off both on top and on bottom so that the only part of these women that could be seen were their butts.
Tyra then had a panel of five men, sitting just off to the side, comment on the women’s butts one at a time.
Some of the comments made were positive – for instance woman number one was told that she had a nice butt because she was “standing there like an action hero” and it was “even all out.”
Some of them were mean – like when woman number four was told that she needs to “do a couple of squats because [...] [her booty] has some spread to it” but he didn’t like the way it was “going up into her back.”
Some were creepy – like when woman number two was complemented on the space between her upper thighs legs which he called a “gap” and was told to “open that up” when she reflexively pressed her legs together more.
Finally, some of them were just plain weird – like when number five was told that her booty was a “Mufasa ass” (which I gather is a good thing?) The man who coined the term claimed to have used it because she had a “very healthy booty, that is a booty that says I am booty hear me roar.” He later added that he knows several guys who would like to “roar” with her booty.
Now I know Tyra isn’t considered a paragon of good taste (or even sanity), which is why I debated for a long while as to whether or not I should even write about this, but I still think something has to be said. Tyra has been putting herself out there for awhile now as an advocate for body acceptance and self esteem in women and girls. She even tried to frame this exercise as something that would be positive to these women’s body image – claiming that it would help women to understand once and for all what men want – is it boobs, booties, or the “skinny minnie bodies” that the media tries to sell us. Tyra’s heart may have been in the right place, but her message is all wrong. Here’s why…
Self Esteem Awareness Month: The End
Posted by: J on: September 6, 2009
So this is much more belated than I would have hoped but, congrats everyone, Self-Esteem Awareness Month is over! My hard-drive crashed a little over a week ago which is why I stopped posting every day, but I have a new one now so posting here should resume as my class schedule will allow. I honestly don’t have much to say right now, this has been a month of ups and downs and unfortunatley, the whole project sort of overwhelmed me towards the end. I will say I have seen progress in myself, however, as yesterday I threw on a skirt that I haven’t worn in two summers because I felt it was too short and didn’t look good on my “fat legs.”
But I wore it yesterday, and I felt good in it. That’s progress.
I hope this little experiment has been helpful to other people as well, even though it got derailed in its last week or so.
Thanks for participating!
August 29th – A Beautiful Gift
Posted by: J on: August 29, 2009
Today’s Task: Calculate the amount of money you haven’t spent this week because you’ve abstained from using one beauty supply (starting on the 22nd, remember?) Now, find a cause that you care about and donate that money that you saved or even more, if you are in a position where you can financially manage it, to that cause. Which action makes you feel better about yourself as a person – using the product(s) or donating the money to a worthy cause? You may not stop using the product(s) in question after this exercise, that doesn’t matter, what’s important is your understanding of the relationship between self esteem and your daily beauty rituals/acts of kindness.
Some Charity Ideas:
Small Can Be Big is an organization that works “closely with case managers to find families who can truly benefit from a one-time charitable donation.” When you go onto the site you can choose a family in need of help to buy a car, escape an abusive relationship, keep the electricity on, keep a roof over their heads, pay off medical bills, and so on. Your gift goes directly to the landlord, hospital, company, etc. that is awaiting their payment and you get to walk away knowing that you’ve been a part of an effort to help a deserving family or individual deal with life’s unexpected difficulties.
An example of a family featured on the site: “Music and love hold this family together. They’ve faced trials over the past year that would tear apart any family, let alone a single mom and her three kids. The youngest child, a 3-year-old girl, was diagnosed with autism and lead poisoning from paint in their rented home. Unexpectedly, finding a new, safer home became a priority. Unfortunately, due to the amount of time the medical appointments required, Mrs. S lost her job of 15 years.
With your help and $1,500 by July 31st, Mrs. S will move her family out of harm’s way into a new apartment. Mrs. S has been given much to bear, but she can and will rise above it with the love of her children, her own capabilities and some help from you.”
Alley Cat Rescue is an organization that works to protect cats on two levels both locally (“through rescue, rehabilitation and adoption of cats”) and nationally (“through a network of Cat Action Teams.”) Alley Cat Rescue “is dedicated to the health, well-being and welfare of all cats: domestic, stray, abandoned and feral.”
- If you’re not interested in donating to this organization but you still want to donate to an animal related charity then I would advise looking at Animal Charities of America -for links to many more animal related charities! Some other cool ones include Canine Assistants, Farm Sanctuary, and the National Aviary. (Side-note: I’d advise participants to give a good look to PETA’s highly sexist practices of objectifying women in order to gain attention for many of their protests before donating any money them. There are many effective and less offensive alternatives to PETA – consider giving them your money instead.)
- The Center for Reproductive Rights is another great charity option.
From their website: “The Center for Reproductive Rights uses the law to advance reproductive freedom as a fundamental human right that all governments are legally obligated to protect, respect, and fulfill. Reproductive freedom lies at the heart of the promise of human dignity, self-determination and equality embodied in both the U.S. Constitution and the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. The Center works toward the time when that promise is enshrined in law in the United States and throughout the world. We envision a world where every woman is free to decide whether and when to have children; where every woman has access to the best reproductive healthcare available; where every woman can exercise her choices without coercion or discrimination. More simply put, we envision a world where every woman participates with full dignity as an equal member of society.”
- “Action Against Hunger’s 6,000+ field staff work in some 40 countries to carry out innovative, lifesaving programs in nutrition, food security, water and sanitation, health, and advocacy. [Their] programs reach some 5 million people a year, restoring dignity, self-sufficiency, and independence to vulnerable populations around the world.”
If none of these catch your interest Charity Watch is a great research tool that lists many charities, based on their (high) ratings from the American Institute of Philanthropy. It’s a good place to get an idea of different causes you could donate to & find honest and effective charities within that area to donate to!
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